The beginnings of our story, however, take place a few nautical miles away from Atlantis in a shunned and spooky section of the forests where it is said that the Elder Gawds meet to discuss their nefarious plans. One particular dark and stormy night there was a meeting of 3 nefarious…erm….people:
(Great Q-thulu): Got any sevens? (Boooodah): Go fish. (Mr. Octopus): How does this game work again?
At that moment, the flickering light of a torch illuminated a vague and sinister figure in the doorway. This was especially surprising given how hard it is to keep torches lit under water.
(Fred-D-Krab, not yet King of Atlantis): Wey-hey-hey. (GQ): Who the hell are you? (FDKNYKoA): The name is (dramatic pause) Fred. (The thunder rumbles outside).
The three not-exactly elder gawds consider this for a moment.
(B): Piss off. (MO): Go on, beat it!
Fred looks crestfallen (geddit? huh? doya?) and slouches out of the room.
(GQ): That was weird (reaches for the bowl of peanuts).
Pause for a moment to consider them.
Great Q-Thulu is a rather smaller version of the fabled being from HP Lovecraft's works. In this case, "rather smaller" means about 5'6". Unlike his famous brethren, Great Q (as he prefers to be know) does not have wings. He is, however covered in green, slimy skin, with a rather oblong head, clawed hands, and tentacles where one might expect a beard or mustache.
While worshiped as one of the "Great Old Ones," he is always short on followers because he tends to eat them...though he only manages to gnaw on the larger ones.
(B): Wonder what he wanted…
Booodah looks like a fat man wearing a loincloth. His followers say that he is wise and can spread enlightenment. He's actually not that bright, but he does manage to "enlighten" the wallets of those who follow his advice.
While his name may sound familiar to Buddha, a similarity that he will exploit at any opportunity, his "teachings" have about as much to do with inner harmony as a coral reef has to do with a blowfish...hmmm...that wasn't a very good simile.
(MO): What's that smell?
Mr. Oct-o-pus (or "Moe" as his friends call him), is the current prime minister of Atlantis. Like your typical octopus he has 8 legs, suction cups and has a tendency to squirt ink when he feels threatened.
(GQ): Whose deal is it anyways? (FDKNYKoA): What say we try a different card game…any of you guys heard of "poker?"
The other three slowly turn to regard the Krab, who is busy puffing on a foul, seaweed cigar, shuffling cards and grinning insanely.
(Moe): How do you play that?
Several hours later...
(B): HA! Three aces! Read it and weep! (FDKNYKoA): Ah well, I'll have to make do with 5…
Booodah frowns, considering this as Fred rakes in his winnings. Great Q tosses down his cards with a sigh. Moe throws his away with a look of disgust and squirts a bit of ink.
(B): I'm pretty sure there are only 4 aces in the deck. (FDKNYKoA): Yeah, stop cheating!
The other three glare at de Krab as he shuffles the cards again.
(GQ): Well, I'm out of money. (Moe): Me too. (B, under his breath): punk. (FDKNYKoA): Weeeel you know we don't have to play for money, bayyy-beee.
Moe narrows his eyes. Boooodah drums his fingers. Great Q steeples his tentacles.
(GQ): What did you have in mind?
To be continued
- "dogs_playing_poker" is the painting "A Friend in Need" by Cassius Marcellus Coolidge and was obtained from this site.
- Great C'thulu is the product of HP Lovecraft.