At any rate, I was staggering down the street when I saw, of all things, one of those sandwich boards that said:
"Take me to your leader!"
Being sharp-eyed, I noticed something strange immediately. It didn't seem to have anyone in it…but it was moving about.
So I walked up and took at closer look only to find, a crab, of all things, inside it. Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger, it started talking:
(Crab): Hiya howareya, nicetaseeya! (Me): I gotta stop drinking… (C): Ya got any booze?! (M): No…normally I have to drink a whole bottle of Thunderbird to see stuff like this. (C): Damn! (M): What, umm, are you? (C): Am veeeesiting Roy-all-Tee! Take me to your leader! (M): Err…where from? (C): Atlantis! (M): As in the lost continent of? (C): (scratches shell) Well ish knot lost so much as miss-placed… (M): Righ…I'll be going now… (C): Take me to your leader!
When I got home, I found The Critic sitting on my couch drinking a beer.
(Me): You see the strangest things these days… (The Critic): You're telling me – I just saw your blog! (M): You're reading it? And you had to come over and tell me how great it is? (TC): No, I just ran out of beer (takes a swig). Also, you still have my TV. (M): Well, at least you read it. (TC): (shudders, says nothing and takes another long swig). (M): At any rate I saw the strangest thing today…
Right at that moment, I noticed that the crab from the sidewalk was sitting on my couch next to her. He was drinking a beer.
(Me): … (Crab): Hey bay-beeee! (starts guzzling his beer) (The Critic): (looks over, sees the crab and does a double take) (M): You see it too? (TC): (carefully puts down beer and rubs her eyes) That is just 3.2 beer, right? (M): As far as I know… (C): (Tosses away his empty bottle, picks up The Critic's, and starts guzzling it). (TC): Hey! It's drinking my beer! (M): Well my beer if you want to get technical. (TC): No it isn't – get your own! (C): (tosses away empty bottle and burps loudly) Get me one too, huu-mon! (TC): Make that three. (M): You want me to join you? (TC): Nah, I'm just gonna need two. (C): (turning to The Critic) So, who are you, bay-beeeee? (TC): Is this…thing coming on to me? (C): Oh yaaa! Honored you should be, thatz honored! (M): I think I'll go and get those beers now. (TC): And why's that? (M): I hate the sight of blood. (TC): No idiot, why should I be honored? (C): Forgeeeev me for not introducing myself (scuttles up onto the top of a lamp shade): I am Fred, King of Atlantis! I have return-aid! Some!
Just then the lamp collapsed under the crab's surprising weight. What was more impressive is that the table it was sitting on collapsed along with it.
To be continued…Tags: Crab, Return of the King, Insanity, The Critic, Fred the Krab Sources:
- The image "land-crab" from http://noncompliance.blogspot.com/2005/08/crabby-crab-crab.html