Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Eeee-vile Rant!

While despondent about some events recently, I realized (much to my surprise) that there were some interesting benefits to being an eeee-vile dictator:

  1. I get to wear a cool, black outfit with nifty, pointy shoulder-pads.
  2. I can say things like "BY ORE-DAR OF THE SUPREEEEEME EMPERIOR!!!"
  3. Being already eeeee-vile, I can claim things like the Strong-Badian national anthem as my own.
  4. I can steal candy from leeeeetle children…though as Mr. Burns found out, that may not be quite as easy as it sounds.
  5. I can let loose with an eeeeee-vile laugh "MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
  6. I have jillions of faceless minions catering (however ineptly) to my every whim!
  7. I have lots of statements that end with exclamation points!!

So, as eeeee-vile dictate-oh of Whatever-aah, I make ye following proclamations:

  • Ye shall follow these decrees on pain of…of…well, not much I guess.
  • All citizens shall wear their underwear on the outside (to make sure it's clean).
  • Any that disagree with my edicts shall face the vengeance of my legions of readers (both of them).

I also make ye the following LAWARS OF DE SITIEE!

1. Ye sitie is knot fair – ye are at ye total wheeem of ye evil-ovaaarlard.

2. Ye shall knot makeee ye flamerous comments.

3. Ye shall backie up ye har-brained claims with ye poast.

4. See ye pointe 1.

5. If ye violated any oof ye lawrs ye ish sentenced ye to ye priseon for knawt less than ONE WEAK!!!

I have recently received my first piece of hate-mail, so, in celebration, I'm going to post it in my new, eeeee-vile hatemail™ section of the site. I really have had enough of flame wars though, so I am tempted to just leave it in the rotting compost heap that is my email account; never-the-less, the claims of censorship do tug at my feelings of justice. Being an eeeeee-vile over-lard give me a keen sense of wite and wong….blight and blog…whatever.

This being the case, lawar 5 comes into play – you can make whatever hair-brained, ineptly argued, vitriolic comments you want and I will post them (unless I don't). The catch is that I'm going to wait at least a week before they show up in the hate-mail section of the site. So if you want to send hate-mail START SENDING NOW!!

At any rate, this will hopefully give those out there in the peanut gallery with a penchant for vitriolic posts a bit of pause, since I will only post 1 (one) piece of hate-mail per person per week. Now mind you, this assumes that anyone actually cares enough to send me hate-mail, and/or comments, so it may be rendered a moot point. Furthermore, I will only do this on Monday nights…or Tuesday mornings…or whatever. It also assumes that I'm feeling energetic enough to actually review posts, which assumes a lot.

At any rate, those who choose to say in more polite terms that I'm a stupid poopie-head, and/or bother to actually provide a lousy URL for their interesting claims can get posted relatively quickly (I don't check this stuff at work, so it will probably be once a day, but then, I usually don't bother to turn on comment filtering either).

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(Also note ye ull-tea-mate weapon in background)

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5 comments:

Blue Panther said...

A hate mail is a sign that you are being taken seriously.

Congratulations on your first hate mail!!!

Whatever said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Whatever said...

Eeeeuck! I must have posted that one when I was really tired. Here's a cleaned up version.

Not only that, but you get lots of traffic. Unfortunately, I think that such an approach is dishonorable; otherwise I would be over at NCM writing up some vitriol of my own :-)

Yes, the power has completely corrupted me but since most of my "faceless underlings" are really whatever action figures I could rummage up, they don't post much of a threat.

P.S. Anyone know how to edit a comment once you have posted it?

Canuckistani said...

Ooooo, hate mail, eh? I must've missed out on something controversial going on over here. Screw the critics Mr. Eeee-vile, integrity always gets a battering by the mob. Keep stirring up the shit!

Whatever said...

Zee eeeevile comments will be posted soon...(excitement mounts...)