Sunday, December 09, 2007

DeathTalker 2: Chapter 4

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Anakin squirmed in the chair he was bound to.


"Now, now. There are children nearby."

The Three were standing near by sniggering.

"Death really would be preferable to this."

"I know. Consider this payback for the jersey."

"Point taken."

On the console in front of him could be heard some strains of music.

So the one day that this lady met this fellow.

And they knew this was much more than a hunch

Anakin nodded towards an unconscious Obi-Wan.

"What are you going to do with him?"

"I was thinking of letting him go – it would probably cause more damage that way."

Obi-Wan made "mphh" noises where he was tied up in the corner.

That this group might someday form a family

And that's the way they all became the Brady Bunch!

"Well you are good at making use of available materials…"

"But, then again, he might have a flash of competence and bring the rest of the Jedi. That would be most…inconvenient."

"Then why not kill him?"


"Well, given the current company, that might prove…inadvisable."

"Do you always talk like that?"

"It comes from working in the Sith Evil Temple™"

The Brady Bunch!

The Brady Bunch!

And that's the way they all became the Brady Bunch!

"That really is annoying you know."

"Wait until 'Fipper' comes on."

Anakin glared at Palpatine as he left them to their doom, his Evil Laughter™ trailing off in the distance.

"Do you have one of those need Jedi rope cutting gizmos?"

Anakin craned his neck to get a look at Obi-Wan.

"Mpph, murrr, murph, mph!"

"Ya know, there's something to be said for this arrangement…do you think we could get Palpatine to use it on Yoda?"



The little droid scooted into the room.

"He'll have us out in no time."

The droid deployed a small, buzz-saw like tool that Obi-Wan looked at nervously as the droid wheeled towards him.


"Don't worry, I just worked on his sensors, he's in tip top shape!"

Obi-Wan started struggling violently.

"Alright, that's far enough."

Framed in to the doorway was a figure wearing some sort of armor that included a rocket pack.

"Hands up!"

Anakin, and Obi-Wan exchanged glances. Even R2 turned to look at the man with several of his sensors.


"I said 'hands up!'"

"Beep, beep."

"I'm warning you…"

"He doesn't have any hands."

"Roight, it's hard to see in this thing you know."

"You look kind of familiar…"

"Yes, I'm the legendary…Jango Fett!"

"I'm over here, you're talking to the droid."

Jango turned around several times until he finally managed to vaguely face Anakin.

"Yeah, uhh…"

"Hard to see in that thing."


"Could you at least turn off this damn thing?"


"Well, ummm…the thing is, Palpatine told me to leave it on." Anakin considered glowering at him, but stopped when he realized that it would be lost on the armored figure.

"And over here is the Evil Sith Throne Room™!"

Just then a crowd of people shuffled in, led by another black-robbed tour guide.

"And oh my! It's Jango Fett!"

Jango struck a pose, unfortunately at a nearby wall, but a bunch of children in the crowed ran up to admire the villain.

"Oh cool!"

"You can fly with that thing, right?"

"Does your armor come with an I-Pod?"

Between signing autographs (one of which was unfortunately on an admirer's forehead), and lack of visibility, it was a few minutes after the crowd had left that he noticed that his captives were missing.

Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padme ran towards the ship with R2 in tow.

"I take back what I said, you're not useless."


"Not you, Padme!"

"Hey, no problem."

Obi-Wan look glum.

Padme schlepped off her black robe of Evil™ as they walked up the gangplank.

"Where'd you get the tour guide outfit?"

"Gift shop."

"If you don't want to keep it."

"Get your own."

Anakin sulked.

"So what's the plan? Do we have to stop Palpatine before he actives his ultimate evil plan, perhaps arriving in the nick of time and only after a protracted light saber fight?"

Obi-Wan perked up.

"Nah, let's just blast him."

Obi-Wan crossed his arms and frowned.

"I'd better fly."


It was Anakin's turn to look petulant.

"I know how you fly."

Padme nodded vigorously.

"R2 – take us to Yavin."

The droid zipped off to the cockpit.


"Do you think that Jango will come after us?"

As the ship took off there was a dull "thud" as if something had hit the hull.

"I think he just tried."

Moving over to a porthole, the three of them looked out and saw a stunned Jango as he fell back to the landing pad.

"He should really get better visibility out of that thing."

Later on that night, the three of them sat in the galley eating some freeze dried food. Obi-Wan gagged on some strawberries.

"Don’t we have that, what's-it-called, you know…orange, sorta sweet…"

"Why didn't he just kill you?"

Padme looked up from the copy "Politician Life" that she had been reading. As it just so happened, she was on the cover.

"He already tried that."

"Speaking of which, how did you survive that?"

"Who says I did?"

Obi-Wan and Padme shared a glance.

"You could have fooled me."

"For half a credit you can be me. I didn't volunteer for this."

"For what?"

Anakin turned to Padme.

"Before, we talked about how Palpatine managed to form impossible alliances."

"No, they're just unlikely. As I tried to tell you..."

"YOU TRIED TO TELL me that it these alliances, while not impossible were none the less very unlikely!"

Padme crossed her arms. This had the effect of highlighting her breasts. Obi-Wan stared. Padme noticed and uncrossed her arms uncomfortably.


"So they were unlikely!"

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, who was fidgeting as well.

"You didn't even notice, did you?"

Obi and Padme shared a "huh?" look.

"OK, so Palpatine managed to form these crazy alliances, and he also happened to be a Sith Lord, and he managed to come back from the dead…"


"And the Jedi all experience a slow but steady decline in their ability to use the Force…"


"And I show up, a Deathtalker…"


"And I get shot and come back from the dead…"


Anakin looked exasperated.

"I'll go check on R2."



Anakin sat back down and pointedly read the nutritional ingredients of some weird, orange flavored powder that one could mix with water to form an amazingly nutritional supplement.

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