Thursday, September 07, 2006

Scorpid Luuuuv

As many people have guessed from my picture, I’m an avid World of Warcraft player. While some may say that spending your free time messing with pixilated foes to be a waste, there are other, more spiritual benefits to be had from the game. I’m talking about the possibility of finding a soul-mate. The possibility of finding luuuv.

This can be quirky and unsettling, especially when you discover that the person on the other end of your affair is actually a 300lb male slob who lives in his mother’s basement and plays using a Mac in emulator mode. I mean there is a perfectly good port of WoW to the Mac environment.

Fortunately, nothing so disturbing has ever happened to me. Instead I fell for one of the pixilated monsters in the game, specifically a “scorpid.” A scorpid in WoW is sort of like a scorpion, only they’re bigger and make a sound like “Screeeeee!” It’s understandable how I could fall for one, but in my case things were more complex because it was someone’s pet. Can you imagine the jealousy?

(Me): Hi (Sexy Blonde Supermodel Night Elf Chic): Hi (M): You’re very striking. (SBSNEC): Do you think so (breaths deeply, causing all of her…um…features to display to their best effect). (Scorpid Pet): Screeeee! (M): Who is that? (SBSNEC): Never mind! (M): I dunno, he’s pretty cute… (S): Screeeeee! (Scorpid stings my character’s arm with its venomous tail). (M): Arrrgh! (SBSNEC): Oh my! Let me take a look at that! (Her character presses her body up to mine, caressing my arm. After examining the wound she lowers her lips to it and gently starts to suck out the poison). (M): What a cute…hey, what’s his name? (SBSNEC): (Bites arm) (S): Screeee!

Yes, there are many women and male cross-dressers that feel intimidated by the competition that a beautiful scorpid can bring. And some of them can’t handle it.

(SBSNEC): (adventuring in dangerous, monster-infested area) Oh hi. (M): (puffing as I run up) Hi! (Feeling rather shy) I was…I was hoping I might find you here. (SBSNEC): (Smiles shyly) Really? (M): Well…yes. (Pause) I was also hoping that we might… (S): Screeee! (SBSNEC): Shut up, dammit! (M): Awww… he just wants a little attention, don’t you? (Reaches out hand to caress scorpid) (S): Screeeeeee! (Stings my character on the shoulder) (M): Ouch! Why you little (rubs shoulder) I like a girl with spirit! (SBSNEC): Get lost creep.

The jealousy can reach the point where the other person in the luuuuv triangle cannot stand it any more and takes some desperate action…

(M): (running up to SBSNEC) Hi! (SBSNEC): Take a hike (quickens pace). (M): I couldn’t help noticing that you have a diseased bear with you… (Diseased Bear): Grrrr (SBSNEC): Yeah, the scorpid is toast. (M): (stops dead) WHAT? (SBSNEC): I got tired of how everyone was paying attention to him instead of me, so I replaced him with Open Running Sore here. (M): No! No! Nuuuuuuuuuu! (SBSNEC): (cackles evilly) (M): Actually that bear is kind of nice… (SBSNEC): DAAAMMMMNNNN YOOOUUUU!

There are always more fish in the ocean, as they say.


1 comment:

Scorpid Groupie said...

Ooh! Can I have Penduar's autograph?