Nigerian Scam Spam Entry

This is the first draft of my humble entry into the Drabblecast's infamous annual Nigerian Scan Spam contest for 2010.  The idea is to create a typical "scam" email along the lines of the ones that proport to be from some general or other high official in a country torn by political strife.  The message is supposed to try and get money or whatnot from the victim by asking for a bank account number or credit card number.  I thought this would be an interesting twist on the concept...

Subject: please help someone else!

Please remember that I'm asking you to help a few damned souls - I am not asking you to help me or in any way endorse me, my cause or what I stand for.

Sorry for that but I feel I should be up front with you: this is the Devil, the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer etc.  Whatever you think of me, you're probably right, but the people I've duped into following me don't all deserve eternal torment.

That's what I'm writing to you about: the legions of the damned - some of them can be saved.

You see, all along I thought I stood a chance against God, but recently I have come to realize that I have no chance.  I never had a chance and I never will be able to overcome the almighty.  No matter how many damned souls I have in my legion.

Once I realized that, I discovered, much to my dismay, that I actually felt bad for some of the poor fools who have signed over their souls to me in my quest to unseat the Alpha and the Omega.  I went from merely feeling bad to trying to come up with a solution.  The thing is, if I go off to war and lose, all my followers are damned for all eternity - but why do that when I know that I'm going to lose?


That's where you come in.


You see, I can transfer ownership of some of these souls to a mortal, who can then free them.  I will have to trust you to free them by the way, but I figure they are better off with any chance than no chance.  At any rate, once you have possession of these souls, choose the ones that you deem worthy and free them.  Or free all of them.  The choice is yours.


In order to make this work, I just need you to send an email with "I hereby deliver my soul unto thee" in the subject line to prince_of_darkness@668.com.  Yeah, I know, some damn Asian domain squatter got to 666.com before I did.


Please help these people.  You're their only hope.


Sincerely,


Lucifer
Angel most fallen