Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Too Weird to be Fake

(Image from the BBC site) Okay, so the King of Spain decides to hunt a bear. But not just any bear, one that has been raised in captivity. To even up the odds, the bear is fed vodka mixed with honey (they must have given that bear a lot of honey) until it was drunk and then they shoved it into a field where it was promptly shot by the King of Spain.

This is the sort of thing would be too strange to believe, except that you have things like "catch wild trout" in what amounts to a cement pond and "game hunts" where you go to a farm to blast some animal. Couldn't you just dress up funny and then "stalk" your prey in the super market? It would probably taste better.

Apparently, at some of these outfits, they will drive up in a truck to dress your kill, mount the head on something, etc. All they need now is golf carts and sports commentators!

(Bob, the commentator): As you can see, John is approaching the deer in his cart down wind so as not to spook it. (Fred, the other commentator): That's right Bob, and this is an obviously skilled hunter since he hasn't hit anything on the approach as…

(Golf cart smacks into a tree)

(F): Well up until now… (B): Has this spooked the deer? (F): A tense moment folks…

(The deer looks up from some grass or whatever it was eating and stares at the hunter with torpid disinterest for a few moments and then goes back to eating).

(B): Well it looks like our contestants hunting skills…

(Just then the contestant catches sight of the deer and lets out a loud "whoohooo!" The deer looks at him blankly.)

(F): Ah, ya see folks, he's giving the deer fair warning that he's coming so as to make the hunt more interesting. (B): A real sportsman. (F): But the deer is standing his ground… (B): That and the chain around his neck… (F): And he's getting ready to fire… (B): Nope, dropped his gun. (F): The deer could charge him, if it weren't for the leash at any rate. (B): Looks like he's having trouble reaching his gun…gotta ease up on those buffets mister! (F): But he's got it now, he's sighting…

BLAM!

(B): Missed! Hit the ground a good yard from the deer! (F): Yeah, without that camouflage outfit he'd be dead meat. It's also important never to hunt drunk… (H): Whooooohoooooo! (B): Like our contestant here… (F): Well it looks like he's ready to fire again. The deer, a crafty fellow, is laid down perhaps to try and make our contestant think he's already dead…

BLAM!

(pause)

(B): We lose more contestants that way… (F): But his carcass will be dressed and our team of crack taxidermists…

Me, I'll stick with the supermarket…much safter

5 comments:

Canuckistani said...

The King's underlings didn't want him to look like the 'dumb ass that's a poor shot' that he is and so rigged it to make it easy for him. Keep the old King happy and they keep their jobs. It's been that way forever and a day in working for royal circles. Besides, the King probably doesn't want to sully his fancy hunting tweeds sweating through hours of stalking to find his prey or laying on the ground to get a better shot. The King of Spain is a weenie anyways.

Whatever said...

Things like this I just plain do not understand. Its kinda like getting a stuffed bear, bonking it over the head with some paper towels, and then proclaiming that you killed it with your bear hands. Bear hands. I made a funny!

Jaime said...

Maybe you could hunt some caged birds and accidentally shoot a Lawyer. Everyone wins...

Katie said...

It's so important to give the hunter a fighting chance. I do hope they gave the deer a decent vintage, cheap red wine is not good with (or for) venison.

Whatever said...

jaime: hmmm...actually I like the idea of having them hunt a lawyer. Unlike a wild animule, the laywer could sue if you didn't manage to kill it (sometimes even if you do.)

katie: in this case they were going to give the deer some "Mad Dog" but the hunter got to it first :-)