Losers Never Win, Quitters Never Lose

OK, maybe that’s wrong, but it could be right. Actually that’s not true, but if I were a certain public figure, I’d claim that, for example when I’m off by a factor of 10 or more regarding losses I would claim that I’m right. Eventually, people would believe it.

I’m hoping that this theory holds true, because if it is, then I can use this principal to gain more readers. By simply blathering, persistently and at great length, that many people read this site, magically, people will start reading it. And if it doesn’t, then I’m no worse off.

Except that people like the Critic will remind me about this crazy idea.

On the other hand, if I’m right then I can lord it over her. Perhaps even use the idea to convince her to read this flippin thing on a regular basis. I can see it now:

(Me): You will read my site. (The Critic): Only when I need something to laugh at. (M): You think it’s funny? (C): No, but when I’m down, I can look at your site and say to myself: “At least I’m better than that.” (M): So you say now, but after my brain washing, you will read it and like it! (C): You’re getting your brain washed? (M): No, no, no! I’m going to brainwash you! (C): Like I said, seeing how pathetic you are always makes me feel better… (M): You will read my site! (C): That’s your idea of brainwashing people? (M): You will read my site! (C): Uh huh…

(After 20 minutes of this)

(M): You will read my site! (C): Yeah right. (M): Maybe I’m not going about this correctly…

I resolved to use subliminal suggestions…

(C): Is this yours? (Holds up a large sign that reads: “You will visit blather-n-rants.blogspot.com”) (M): What makes you say that? (C): Is this your idea of subliminal advertising? (M): Hmmm…

Perhaps I should be more subtle….

(C): Where’s my TV? (M): What? (C): Someone took my TV and put a sign that says “You will visit blather-n-rants.blogspot.com” (M): Well did you? (C): No.

I tried disguises…

(C): Why are you wearing one of those nose-and-eyeglass combinations? (M): Whatever are you talking about? (C): You – you’re wearing a fake glasses-and-mustache thingie. (M): You must have me confused with someone else. Have you ever thought of reading blather-n-rants.blogspot.com? (C): Sigh…

However, it was when I tried threats that I hit paydirt!

(M): I’m warning you, if you don’t patronize my site, things will go badly for you… (C): Is that a threat? (M): Sort of. (C): How will things go badly for me? (M): I will use another one of my hexes on you! (C): (Sigh) that means you will hang around here, doesn’t it? (M): Yes, and I’ll… (C): Fine, I’ll read the stupid site. NOW GO AWAY! (M): Regularly? (I’ll check you know). (C): I will regularly beat you up if you don’t get lost…

And this was how I doubled my readership!

Technorati: The Critic, whitty repartee, readership, jedi, mind trick